Response to Tula.. Love just happens… or does it?

Well, at the risk of showing my sensitive side.
I am posting a reply to a great friend and business partner
Tula Rainwater

I have always known Tula to be a great writer, and lately she
has taken us into caves, and made us dance with our shadows.
Metaphorically speaking she has made us dig into our feelings.

Her latest post “Love just happens… or does it?”
Really struck a chord with me. I encourage you to read her
post before you read mine so It all makes sense to you.

Cue the music below to get started…

When I was reading Tulas post I couldnt help but let the
flood gates open up for a good cleansing of the soul.

See, I believe there are different levels of love between people.

I have been fortunate enough to loved many times in my life.
I have also had the misfortune of having many bombs in my life as well
as others.

One thing that I have learned about us as humans
in general, is that we hold on to what we think is, or was the best.

Let me explain.. My first love Rosie Taylor in High School
(I still think about her to this day) was to me, what I though was
the greatest thing in my life. At the time she was.

I really hope to run into her one day but also fear the meeting and
the feelings unleashed in person after so many years.

Does she feel like I do? Has she thought about me all of these
years in hopes of rekindling an old love? Perhaps?

What would be said or done if this meeting actually happened?
Would we passionately rip each others clothes off? Or would we not
meet because in fact she has found a love and I now have mine?

After Rosie I had a few relationships here and there until I met
my first sons mother Steven.

Now, this was the most perfect unfit relationship for anyone to go through.
Did I love her? When I look back on it I think I thought I loved her. What I do
love is what came from that relationship. My first born Steven. I love her for that.

Well through this tragic relationship I met the woman I would call my EX-Wife.
Can I say I loved her? Yes I can honestly say I did and still do. I was forced to
the alter before I wanted to, but I still loved her. Just didn’t feel it enough to get married.
Other then her cheating on me for another man. The biggest reason I would have to say
is because we had my second son David. I love her for that.

After getting divorced and around the time of getting out of the military I met Cheri.
Man was she cute.. 5′ 3″ little blondie with a great attitude. I couldn’t help
but fall in love with her. LOL

So a few loves came in and out of my life and I told myself that I would never get married
until I met the right woman, and knew that it would be forever.

Then I met Melanie..

Melanie, and I met at work while I was single, and we had to keep our relationship
low key because of me moving into a management position right when we started
seeing each other.

Melanie to me is the definition of woman. The unconditional
love she showed me was only matched by the love of my mother.

Going out of her way daily just to spend time with me. Everything was picture
perfect until that brutal night on Jan 1st of 2001 when I was called by her mother
frantically asking if Mel was with me because her trailer was engulfed in flames.

I lost her, and her 2 beautiful daughters Ashley and Chelsea Spicer all in one night.
I went through a depression unmatched by anything I have ever dealt with in my life
before.

At that time I thought I was destined to live the rest of my life growing old and lonely.
I went through feeling I wasn’t good enough for any woman. I stayed single for a while
because I just couldn’t think of another woman after what had happened.

I guess it was about a year before I met Jen. I thought ok lets take this slow.
I was able to find another that I could love. It was another great relationship.
I thought I was blessed from Mel above for bringing someone into my life that I could feel love again.
We then had my beautiful baby girl Heaven. Then out of nowhere after 6 years. I get the I love
you but I’m not in love with you line. 6 years and a child and your not in love with me?

Here we go again.. destined to grow old and lonely again..

Then a little hottie half my age to build up my confidence again.

Now, I have finally found what I believe to be the love lost and needed in my life.

Someone sent to me by Melanie knowing what I need.

Someone to take care of me like she would.

This woman has been pivotal in redefining myself, and has put me on the path
to achieving everything I want in life.

This mystery lady of mine will be revealed to you all
very soon.
Gotta love the secrecy right? LOL

So understand through everything I have been through. YES “Love does just happen!”

When it is meant to be it will be.
Never go looking for love.
Think hard about what you want in a relationship of love.
Remember to cherish the ones you love because in a flash
or a spark as love starts.

A flash or a spark can also take away that love.

With love and in memory to Melanie, Ashley, and Chelsea.. I still love you baby, and always will.
Thank you for bringing the love of my life into it again. I know your shining down on me from above.

The Blakester

~ by theblakester on September 28, 2009.